...

in the journey that is mine alone to experience
i wonder if i am living up to all that i am
there are certain truths that i know of myself
and these truths are both in the red and in the black
these truths run through my veins and beat with every thump of my heart
i sometimes wish that i could change a few
but would the change effect the whole
are they mutually exclusive
will shifting and tweaking lead to totally destruction
dramatic?
a bit
but a fear none the less

it's as if this shift in my environment has caused a fissure to be revealed
and like the movement of the tectonic plates earthquake and after shocks are inevitable

how best to repair
mend
reconnect the two sides of the path
what will not only solve the evident but will complete suture the wound

these are the heavy weights that float thru my mind
these are the ideas that have me stare and look beyond the horizon
what is for me?
what am i not seeing?
what is it that i should or should not?
and why isn't this enough?

a sense of what now surrounds me
where to next
who will i become
how

these questions must be answered
these equations must have solutions

as always tine will be the factor that reveals what it wants when it wants and how it wants
i can only sit wait and ponder
continue to swim in this life
continue to love hard
continue to reach ahead
continue to be

new life

it has been 1 week and 4 days since i moved from the nyc to my new home down south
many wonder why i moved
well there were/are a myriad
but the most important was love
and not the i think i'm in love and i hope it all works out kind
the i'm going to be with you forever b/c you will be my permanent +1
it has been an adjustment
the hours the +1 works are sporadic and long
12hour shifts 2 and 3 day stints at a time
causing the days off to be filled with sleep, food and more sleep
i never knew that i would enjoy taking care of a home
but these past days made me realize that i could be a stay at home
at least until the children(no had yet) go to school

i had a career and loved it
now i see this as a new chapter in my life
a chapter that i want to record

i've had time to shop for cards and to send them off to loved ones
i have become, or should i say am trying to become more thoughtful and appreciative of the people around me, my family and friends that is

we shall see what the next days, weeks and months bring
i hope a greater sense of self and understanding of my world as it is